Self-introduction

Dear Professor Brad,

 

My name is Ong Kai Yee and I am a year 1 civil engineering student in your effective communication class. I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a diploma in environmental and water technology. My interest in engineering grew stronger as I started learning more about it in my polytechnic course.


My friends often tell me that I can present fairly well as I am able to project my voice loud enough and ensure eye contact with my audience. When I get nervous, I tend to speak faster and stutter. I am also not proficient in writing due to my bad grammar. After the end of this effective communication class, I would like to be able to have a better grasp on how to use grammar properly as well as knowing how to pace myself even when I am nervous.


My hobbies makes me slightly unique as compared to others. I have been learning ballet since the age of 7 and my highest grade is Intermediate. I am currently still pursuing for a higher grade which is Advanced 1. I also started learning swimming at 7 years old, and is now a certified lifeguard as well as an Austswim certified swimming coach. I took up Lifesaving as a sport in polytechnic and have taken part in 5 competitions in 3 years. I have also been exposed to lion dance at a very young age as my father is the leader of the troupe, this resulted in me developing a strong passion for it. I started learning in 2017 and have performed during the Chinese New Year period for the past 3 years. 


Thank you for taking your time to read my self-introduction. I hope that it has helped you understand me better.


Warm Regards, 

Ong Kai Yee 

CVE 1281 Group 6

(Revised 2)

Comments

  1. Brad BlackstoneJanuary 21, 2021 at 6:53 PM

    Thanks very much for posting your letter, Kai Yee. I look forward to reading it and also reading the comments of your peers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lin YiJanuary 23, 2021 at 5:13 AM

    Dear Kai Yee

    Really interesting hobbies you have there! In general, your email is clear, complete and courteous. However, I feel that the sentence structures and connectivity can be further improved on for a smoother reading experience. Many of your sentences started with 'I' and there were also repetitive word such as 'also'. Otherwise, the contents were really interesting and has helped me understand you better which achieved the purpose of the email.

    Warm Regards
    Lin Yi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kai YeeJanuary 28, 2021 at 10:24 PM

      Dear Lin Yi,

      Thank you for your feedback and i am glad that you found my email interesting. I will edit my emails accordingly so that it has a better flow.

      Warm Regards,
      Kai Yee

      Delete
  3. Brad BlackstoneJanuary 30, 2021 at 11:29 PM

    Dear Kai Yee,

    Thank you for this well developed letter of intro. You go beyond the various assignment requirements and add fine concrete detail, especially in terms of your many serious hobbies and sports. That's all telling in terms of how each activity allows us to see into your special world and get to know something about your character. Since you have acheived so much, I'd peg you alrady as having leadership qualities.

    I also like the detail in the section about your perceived weakness in terms of speaking and writing; you can rest assured knowing you will be having more plwnty more opportutiies to do each as the term progresses.

    Your language fluency in this letter is quite good, but there are a couple issues:

    1. grammar
    -- My hobbies makes me slightly more unique as compared to others. > (subject-verb agreement)
    -- more unique > ?

    2. sentence structure
    -- Thank you for taking your time to read my self-introduction, I hope that it has helped you understand me better. > (comma splice) ?

    3. word form
    -- Warmest Regard, > ?

    4. oversue of caps
    -- see https://academicguides.waldenu.edu/writingcenter/apa/other/capitalization

    I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kai YeeJanuary 31, 2021 at 8:07 AM

      Dear Professor Brad,

      Thank you for reading my letter and I am glad that you enjoyed it. I will amend the letter according to your feedback and improve on it.

      Warm Regards,
      Kai Yee

      Delete
  4. Nicholas LimJanuary 31, 2021 at 7:36 AM

    Dear Kai Yee,

    It was really interesting reading about your hobbies and interests. The letter coincides with the 7 Cs well, but I believe it can be further improved on in some areas. Especially in the overuse of "I" throughout the letter, which may sound a little repetitive at times. There are as well some minor grammar mistakes throughout the letter. Otherwise, I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your letter and i believe you will get better through the term!

    Best regards,
    Nicholas

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kai YeeJanuary 31, 2021 at 8:11 AM

      Dear Nicholas,

      Thank you for taking your time to read my letter and I am glad that you found my hobbies interesting. I will reduce on the use of “I” so that my letter will be better.

      Warm Regards,
      Kai Yee

      Delete
  5. Darren HoFebruary 4, 2021 at 7:51 PM

    Dear Kai Yee,

    Your letter was well written. It also got me to know you better as a person and also the interesting hobbies that you have. Furthermore, it was also interesting to see how your interest in engineering grew throughout your time in polytechnic. Amazing ! However, I do like to point out a few things:

    - The amount of "I" used in your letter is massive, probably can be reduced.

    - For the last sentence, instead of using "your time". I feel that you should use "the time" as it sounds better to me.

    - For the sentence, "My hobbies makes me slightly more unique as compared to others." Instead of using "makes", you should use "make" as it sounds better.

    Hope this helps and we can learn on our mistakes to improve ourselves in the future.

    Regards,
    Darren

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kai YeeFebruary 18, 2021 at 5:50 AM

      Dear Darren,

      Thank you for reading my letter. I am glad that you found it interesting. I will take note of my mistakes and change it accordingly.

      Warm Regards,
      Kai Yee

      Delete

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